I can still feel the flat of his hand between my shoulders blades. He gives me a little shove and I stumble forward over the threshold. He shuts the door and there I am, homeless. Continue reading
Tag Archives: custard
Warning – Eight limbs of yoga being practised ahead! That’s how I interpreted this sign. “It’s about anchoring,” says the person who sent it. “That’s what I’m saying,” I replied. I can never remember what the eight limbs are though. I enlist the mneumonic maker spacefem.com which, spookily, concludes with an eight-limbed being. Synchronicity abounds – delight!
Yellow moment 20/363.
“The pains which are yet to come can be and are to be avoided.” So says one translation of sutra 2:16. It’s a sutra I’ve considered a lot. But maybe I’m thinking about it all wrong.
For a long time I didn’t blog any yellow moments. I realised I was affected by having read about yellow appearing in all seasons except winter. What if I wrote too much now and used up all my yellow? Every day I walked through this tree’s scattering of yellow leaves without seeing them (it’s the gingko in Logic Lane, Oxford). But what if I run out of growing things and have to use warning signs? Would that have happened? Would it have been so bad? – I was sent some great yellow signs that languish in my in box.
Today I see the relation between this and my fear of hand balances. In always stopping myself falling forwards I stop too soon and never get up enough to balance – or find the courage to write yellow in fear that my supply will be exhausted.
Yellow moment 19/363
Attended a lecture by Eldar Shafir earlier this week. He talks about how some people were divided into two groups. Both group took the same IQ test. At the same time as taking the test they had to think about how to manage because something had just gone wrong with their car which would cost £x to repair. For group one £x was managable; for group two £x was rather more OMG. How people scored in the test depend on how well off they were. Well off and OMG bill – test fine. Less well off and OMG bill – test crash and burn. The outcome being that so much of the mental bandwith was occupied by the bill, that you make poor decisions.
But it’s not just about money. Prof Shafir also talks about how lack of time leads to poor decision making in a similar way. Basically our problem solving bandwith is not big, and something that worries us eats it up so we’re trying to manage our life with one brain cell. He talked about (particularly with regard to time) how the problem can be ameliorated by creating slack in your life. He puts time with self in his diary. When people ask if he’s free he says, ‘sorry I’m in a meeting’, because this is an acceptable reason. He just doesn’t mention that it’s a meeting with himself.
I reflected that yoga helps me access this feeling. Suddenly a few breaths can seem like a long, long time when you’re trying to hold some impossible pose and wondering if your teacher is ever going to say and now something else….. The day after the lecture I was sent this picture – yellow moment 18/363
“Everybody needs a place to rest
Everybody wants to have a home
Don’t make no difference what nobody says
Aint nobody like to be alone
Everybodys got a hungry heart…”
All day my yogini’s had this going through her head and it’s her yoga teacher’s fault. Last night’s class started (not unusally) with sthira sukham asanam and thoughts about connecting to the earth. Then in Janushirasana he encourages the class (again not unusually) to imagine the heart reaching for the toes rather than the head reaching for the knees and, consequently, the heart plunging towards the earth. “What you’re thinking”, he says, “is how does this fit with being connected to the earth?” “Spooky”, thinks the yogini, as that was pretty much her exact thought. He suggests that the connection through other parts of the body suffices. But my yogini asks her heart, “is that enough?” and her heart replies, “No. I hunger for the earth.” So now you can see where the internal singing has come from. “So, Custard”, asks my yogini, “how do I satisfy my heart’s earth hunger?” Well I’m new to this blogging malarky and feel I’ve got to the point where it says, “insert, pithy, witty, wise answer here”, but the problem is I don’t have one. And I pretty certain that the combination of “well it’s sure not eating more, although that feels like a solution”, and “and for heaven’s sake STOP humming”, is not really going to cut it.